i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
