i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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