I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
