Sry I called you an 8
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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