my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
