best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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