yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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