Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I enjoy the company of your penis
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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