But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
