Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize