Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
