bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
