I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
