Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
