I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
