The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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