I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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