i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
