yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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