It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
