Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
