even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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