Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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