So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
