In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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