exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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