I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize