my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
