Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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