so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
