last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
