why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize