I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
