She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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