six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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