I think I died a long time ago.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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