My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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