Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
That's intense
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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