Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
