to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
