I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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