I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
