operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
