he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
