I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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