mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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