Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Randomize
