if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize