Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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