how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
