Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
