You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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