Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
