He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize