I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
