I cannot find my penis.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
