We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
