Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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