I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
