I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
