I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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