i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
