HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
