The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize