I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
