Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
