I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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