Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
