I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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