Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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