I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
