new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize