so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
