i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
