there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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