What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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