I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
