I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
