On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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