Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
