Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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