Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
