Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
