i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Randomize
