I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
