It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize