nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
