Plan B is the new Plan A
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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