I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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