wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
