So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
