She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Enjoy the penises
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
last night I used snow as a chaser
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
