Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
