she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
did i walk over a car last night?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
