You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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