I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
