I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This house was built for laser tag.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My ass is underappreciated
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
