Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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