she peed on how many people?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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