'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
