so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
