I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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