Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
