One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
