So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
