you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What a dumb baby whore.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
